The questions are inevitable.  How will the surviving spouse react when he or she sees me? Will others be crying?   Will I cry?  Our brains try and reason the best answers to these questions, but we are never sure.  Nor should we be.  Death rearranges lives and creates difficult situations, but the funeral home is the perfect place to begin facing these questions and challenges.

The funeral home offers the comfort of tradition and community in which family members and friends can express their feelings.  When you think about it, the funeral home experience is even a bit like Facebook.  Now, I bet you think I’ve gone off the deep end after reading the last sentence, but humor me.

Facebook is a community in which we share our life story.  While the information shared is not always pleasant, it’s there, staring you in the face.  Funeral visitations and services are similar.  Sure the medium and venue are completely different, but the meaning behind it remains the same.

On Facebook, a person wants to tell the community their story.  You want people to care and you want people to comment, because even though your posts may be unimportant to someone else, it is meaningful to you.  That is what a family is saying when they hold a funeral.  They are saying to the world, “This person was important to me!  Let me tell their story!  Share your stories with me!”

Just like on Facebook, most people are concerned about saying the right thing at the funeral home.  Know that there are no magic words.  It’s perfectly appropriate to offer your condolences to the family, but nothing you or anyone else can say will take away their pain.  Secondly, why would you want to take it away?  I once read that the intensity of the pain of grief is proportional to the intensity with which a person loved the deceased.  By trying to minimize their pain, a person might see it as a minimization of their relationship to the deceased.

Everyone has a right to mourn in their own way.  Be kind and genuine, and if that means you are able to offer nothing more than a hug or a handshake, so be it.  The sense of a caring community means more to the bereaved than most can ever know, until they have gone through it themselves.

Written by: Kelly Keddie, Licensed Funeral Director

Pick-up will be at 9:30am at the following locations:

Comfort Inn, 699 Rodi Road
Crowne Plaza, 164 Fort Couch Road
Mt. Nebo Park & Ride off Exit 68 on I-79
We’ll arrive at the History Center at 10:00am and depart around 2:00pm. A box lunch will be provided at the museum.

Please call 724-969-0200 if you’d like to join the group. The cost is $49 per person or $25 per person if you will not need transportation.

When: Monday, December 5, 2011 from 6 P.M. to 8 P.M.

Where: Peters Township Library located at 616 E. McMurray Rd, McMurray, PA.

Remember: The seminar is free and everyone is welcome. RSVP to 724-745-6857.

You will learn: Elaine will cover not only the changes to the brain, but how it affects daily life of both the Alzheimer’s patient and family members. You will learn the Do’s and Don’ts for caregivers, stages and progression of the disease, existing and new Alzheimer’s medications and what they do, how to connect with patients by utilizing long term memories, and support programs available to caregivers.
At this seminar you will learn about specifics on how to live with or care for someone who has Alzheimer’s disease. The discussion will also include such important topics as how to communicate with your loved one, common behaviors of someone with Alzheimer’s, safety issues, reasons they act the way they do and ways to improve the quality of life for the Alzheimer’s patient and caregiver. This seminar is informative and participants will receive detailed handouts to take home.

My holiday season normally kicks off with Thanksgiving, followed by a trip to my husband’s family’s hunting camp for deer season.  Usually several family members are in attendance, including the family patriarch, my husband’s grandfather.  But this year will be different, because in May, he died after a long battle with cancer.

This really hit all of us hard, even though we knew he had been sick for so long.  He was the one who taught all of us, including me, how to hunt, fish, and really appreciate the outdoors.  After talking it over with my husband, we’ve decided not to be a part of the hunting trip this year, because we’re not ready to experience it without Pap.

I encourage families to approach the holidays in the same manner.  If you don’t want to partake in a specific activity, then don’t.  You know yourself best, and you can judge whether or not you are ready.  I do suggest that you create a new tradition to help recognize the absence of your loved one, and next year, you may be ready to revisit those old traditions.  This year, I plan to hunt from home.  Hopefully, Pap will send a big buck my way.

At Beinhauer’s, we are beginning a new tradition to help pay tribute to those we’ve lost with our 1st Annual Remembrance Tree Celebration at our Bridgeville location.  A tree will be placed outside Beinhauer-Fryer Funeral Home during Bridgeville Light Up Night on December 2, 2011.  We encourage you, your families and friends to come and place a favorite ornament on the tree, in memory of your loved one.  At 7:30, the tree will be lit, and a memorial service will follow.  Refreshments and giveaways will be provided.  Please stop by and help create a new holiday tradition with Beinhauer’s.

Written by Kelly Keddie, Licensed Funeral Director & Family Services Manager

As a member of the “younger” generation, my personal experience with war and other military conflicts is somewhat limited.  I was a child during the Persian Gulf War, and only in high school when the terrible 9/11 terror attacks rocked our nation.  As I grow older, I begin to further appreciate how great the sacrifice of some veterans can be, as I imagine most do.

Sadly, I had a friend who was killed while serving in Afghanistan during Operation Enduring Freedom.  Others may never know how much he gave, but I will never forget.  I can honestly say that I never felt such significance during the military honors that are provided to veterans at their funeral until I listened to the bugle play Taps at his.  To this day, I doubt it will ever feel the same.

The idea that a person, whose name you may never know, who you may never meet, is out there fighting for the freedom that you enjoy, well, that is enough to make even the most rigid of us choke up a bit.  Thank you again, to all veterans, for we could never be the land of the free without your bravery.

In recognition of two of our local vet groups, Scott Beinhauer presented both the Disabled American Veterans and Vietnam Veterans, Inc. with a donation to help support these wonderful organizations and show our appreciate for the work that they do.

Written by: Kelly Keddie, Licensed Funeral Director & Family Services Manager at Beinhauer Family Funeral Homes