1. Cell Phones – Before you enter the funeral home, switch your cell phone to silent or turn it off completely.  There is nothing more embarrassing that hearing your “Who let the dogs out” ringtone blaring over a thoughtful eulogy.  Better yet, if you can stand it, leave the device in the car.  Checking text messages and reading emails may also be considered disrespectful, depending on the family.  If you must use your phone, find a private area.  Beinhauer’s has plenty of extra space in our community room or our cafe so that you can handle your telecommunications without upsetting anyone else.

 2. Work Excuse – No one can predict when a funeral will need to take place, which inevitably means that some people will need to miss work to attend the ceremonies.  If you need written confirmation, Beinhauer’s can provide you with documentation.  Don’t ask the family for a copy of the death certificate or obituary to prove that the death occurred.  The funeral home staff can provide you with whatever you need.

 3. Children – Children are welcome at all of our funeral homes.  If you decide to include them in the funeral ceremonies, we have children’s rooms to allow for a space for them to play in between visiting with the family or the deceased.

 4. Emotional Display – Few people like to feel less than composed in public.  A funeral home is full of people with a diverse range of emotions on full display.  While the funeral is not a place to rehash private family matters or disagreements, it is a place to feel safe and express oneself.  If you feel like crying, do so.  If you want to laugh at a funny story, that’s okay too.

Many independent funeral providers make up this professional International organization that joins together family owned funeral homes who share the similar interest of serving families with unsurpassed care.  In the Pittsburgh area, Beinhauer’s has been chosen to represent Selected Independent Funeral Homes.

Beinhauer’s sets a higher standard for their families’ care by adhering to Selected Independent Funeral Homes’ code of good practice.  By doing so, we pledge to educate the public with information about all topics in funeral and cremation services, make a wide range of services available at a price that is affordable all members of the community, and to offer value driven services that exceed all others in the South Hills of Pittsburgh.

Through programs and training provided by “Selected” , our qualified and competent staff  is always on the cutting edge of funeral, cremation, memorialization trends.  We are able to offer our families the most complete array of choices in services and merchandise and therefore allow them to make their loved one’s funeral or memorial service the most personal and meaningful event possible.

Unlike other funeral providers that have limited experience in the communities of the South Hills of Pittsburgh, Beinhauer’s has served families in this area since 1860.  One of the primary requirements of membership with Selected Independent Funeral Homes is that the owners are not associated with large corporate organizations, and that they are active in their communities. Every year, the Beinhauer family, in conjunction with the Beinhauer Foundation, offers assistance to multiple South Hills families and organizations and values the opportunity to reinvest in the communities they serve.

To learn more about what makes Selected Independent Funeral Homes providers the best in death care, click here https://www.selectedfuneralhomes.org/families.

A funeral service occurs when a person’s body is present at the ceremony.  When their body is not present, the service is considered to be a memorial service.  Sometimes a photo or urn is used as the focal point at a memorial service in place of the human body.

Once the funeral service is over, the body of the deceased is either taken to a cemetery to be buried or entombed, or taken to the place where the cremation will occur.  After a memorial service, if there has been an urn present, the family may process to a cemetery where the urn can be buried or placed in a niche in a mausoleum.  Sometimes the family may choose to take the urn home to keep, or to scatter the cremated body in a special place of remembrance.

The technical details of a funeral or memorial service are all very clear, however the intricacies of the emotional response that each individual has while attending a  ceremony is not.  Each survivor has had a unique experience with the person who has died, and therefore, will have a unique experience at the funeral or memorial service.

There are, however, a few universal needs that a funeral or memorial ceremony needs to fulfill in order to be helpful for those who attend.  The service has to validate the legacy of the loved one.  Have you ever heard a person speak badly about the deceased at a funeral?  It is very unlikely that you have, and there is a reason for this.  A funeral gives the living a platform to highlight the attributes of the late loved one that were most admired.  It also served to allow attendees to explain how that person impacted the lives of those who have come together on that day.

Another important factor of a funeral or memorial service is that it helps to reinforce the reality of the death.  The phrase, “I’ll believe it when I see it” didn’t come out of nowhere.  People are more inclined to truly feel the reality of a death once they have a chance to visually see a person after they have died, or at least come together with others to commemorate that person and openly grieve their death.

The thing that must be stressed with regard to a memorial gift or contribution is that the intention behind the gesture is what matters most, and your presence in the days, weeks, months, and years are what truly help a family move through their grief journey.

That said, if you still wish to send something, here are some ideas and guidelines.

 Flowers – Sending flowers is a common tradition.  You’ll need to decide between cut flowers, a plant, or a dried arrangement.  The type of arrangement you select  depends on what you want the family to do with your flowers after the funeral.  If you want something more permanent, a living plant or a dried design may work best.  If you prefer live flowers, baskets of cut flowers are always useful for the family to press and dry out or to use as potpourri. Flower arrangements can follow a theme or address a passion the deceased had.

 Food – Whether you are an expert cook or a stranger to the kitchen, you can still offer food as a gift to a family.  Many people choose to make a comfort food style dish and drop it off in person at the family home or funeral home.  If you don’t cook, determine when the family will be at the funeral home and supply something for them to snack on throughout the day. Checking with the family is always good idea.  Beinhauer’s has a cafe and community room, and we always welcome food and drink to allow for a more comfortable stay for the family.

 Monetary gift – A donation is another touching way to show the family you care.  On the Beinhauer website, we offer a link to allow for an online donation to be placed in memory of the person who has died.    A good benchmark when deciding how much to give is what you would give at a wedding for this person’s family.  If you are very close, this could mean several hundred dollars, but if you are not so close, something under $100 is appropriate.

 Help – Most families are overwhelmed in the days following a death.  If you are unable to use any of the suggestions mentioned above, consider doing a specific task for the family.  Don’t just say, “Call me if you need anything!”  A good example is offering to tidy-up the home where the majority of the family is staying during the funeral, or caring for pets, cutting the grass, or washing the car.  Another good idea is assisting with recording all the donations and flower cards and other gifts so that the family has less work to do when writing the thank you cards.

No matter which avenue you choose, the family will undoubtedly be thankful that you are thinking of them at such a difficult time.  As the old adage goes, ‘It’s the thought that counts.’

Though most of these events are happy occasions, one very different and unique life changing experience is the death of a loved one.  Most psychologists and sociologist agree that there is a deep seeded psychological need for people to come together when a member of their family or community has died.  Not only do they need to express their grief with a public display of sadness, but they also need to have the opportunity to console those around them.

The world is a different place once a loved one has died, and family members, friends and the community need to shift their roles accordingly.  Many will notice how one child often takes charge of the funeral planning after a parent has died.  This redistribution of responsibility is directly related to the shift  in guidance available after a role model (such as a parent) is no longer available to provide their wisdom.

Whatever role the person who died may have fulfilled – a leader, a comforter, a comedian, that role will likely be filled within the family landscape by another member.  The funeral or memorial service is often one of the first  public events in which the family members can begin to accept and embody their new roles and responsibilities.  Many times, these changes are so subtle that they are barely noticeable, but are critical to helping those close to the deceased as they begin their journey through grief.

People also feel comfort in clinging to tradition in the wake of a tragedy.  Every death is a major tragedy in the lives of those family members and friends with whom they were closely bonded.  The familiar tributes that have been experienced by a community over time can help to begin the healing process so that life can eventually return to a new normal.